Before I was married and even contemplating having kids, I never imagined in my wildest dreams how difficult it would be. Not so much the actual raising of kids (I knew that would be hard after being a nanny), but the risks and obstacles with pregnancy and delivering the child into this world. It seems that I hardly know anyone who hasn't had difficulties at some stage of the process. Getting pregnant, keeping the pregnancy, delivering the baby- honestly it seems like a wonder that they are worried about overpopulation.
This is my sixth pregnancy. I thought my problems had been fixed with a surgery where they removed a septum in my uterus (bicornuate). When I went in for my first ultrasound with this pregnancy, they looked at exactly where the placenta was attached to make sure it wasn't near my former problem area which I was told caused my previous losses. Which made me wonder, why couldn't they have noticed that at least where the stillborn was concerned. They knew the septum would cause problems since there isn't much, if any, blood flow in there. Surely they would have noticed in my ultrasounds that that baby's placenta was partially attached to my septum. So I mentioned this to my current doctor and she seemed to question my former doctor's prognosis as well. Cue the onslaught of tests. After a while, she got back to me telling me that I was homozygous for MTHFR, which in her books means I am a blood clot waiting to happen. Wonderful.
Her solution was to get me on blood thinners, specifically Lovenox, a lovely little injection you do once a day. During this period of time we discovered some insurance issues that we were unaware of at the time and found we will be paying for most of this pregnancy out of pocket, minus the labor and delivery. That's a VERY long, convoluted story that I'll spare you, but suffice it to say that also means we're on the hook for prescriptions costs. Lovenox costs $1800 a month. Nice.
My doctor suggested applying for what is known as Compassionate Care for Lovenox, aka charity from a prescription company. Her nurse would "take care of it" in her words. So I waited, and waited, and waited. Finally I called this nurse asking for an update and she told me she hadn't gotten very far and I would have to fill out the forms myself. Thanks for letting me know! I proceeded to start the process by calling the program only to be informed that "this service will desist operations December 16, 2011".
So here I am. Part of me is leery that I even need this stuff. There seems to be a lot of differing opinions in the medical field about this particular genetic mutation. Regardless I've started taking baby aspirin and fish oil supplements hoping that that will be enough. I don't really want to kill our savings and go into debt just to take a drug that I MAY need. I just wish I had more concrete answers. All I can do right now is ride the train and see where I end up. Sadly that results in me waking up at 4am and having a pity party because I haven't felt the baby move that much. I've fully entered Paranoia-ville. My mom convinced me to order a fetal doppler to give me at least some peace of mind. Otherwise most of this situation is out of my control.
I have faith that this will all work out, but I can't say that that belief includes a healthy baby at the end of the tunnel. I'm starting to realize that faith has little to do with assurances of good outcomes, just that we will make it through. And we will make it through this, at least I know that much.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Thanksgiving
We're less than a week away from Christmas, so it's only appropriate that I'm only just getting to Thanksgiving, right? Such is the life of a procrastinator. We had a great Thanksgiving! I think it is the first time where we had a combined meal where I was drooling over every single dish. Probably because we were fortunate enough to NOT have cranberry sauce grace the table and also because Sister Aiken made the most amazing sweet potato casserole. Sweet potatoes can be hit or miss for me, they really need to be prepared right.
The bishop's family invited us over along with another family in our ward to their house and it was a really nice visit. I thought my kids would be attached to us the entire time, but they played nonstop with the other kids while we were there. The bishop's son (about 10 years old) was essentially the Pied Piper of the group and entertained the little kids (5 of them) all evening. It was wonderful.
Steve did his traditional brined and rotisserie turkey. I have yet to compare it to deep fried turkey, but I think it is the most flavorful method of cooking and this year it was the best one yet. The bishop did a smoked version that was also very good and his stuffing was to die for. I can't say enough good things about the food that night.
Later in the evening, we went to Steve's boss' house for a dessert party. Not as enjoyable, but it was still okay. The kids that did come decided to go upstairs and watch Gremlins and there was no way Rowan and Nadia were going to go see that, so we stayed downstairs with the food. We were all still pretty stuffed from dinner, but somehow Rowan managed to down 4 plates of desserts. He's such a bottomless pit when it comes to sugar. We made our exit after about an hour as the kids were getting tired and we didn't really know that many people there. None of the other postdocs were there and so we felt a little out of place.
All in all though a great day. Great food, great company, and great conversations. We are very blessed.
The bishop's family invited us over along with another family in our ward to their house and it was a really nice visit. I thought my kids would be attached to us the entire time, but they played nonstop with the other kids while we were there. The bishop's son (about 10 years old) was essentially the Pied Piper of the group and entertained the little kids (5 of them) all evening. It was wonderful.
Steve did his traditional brined and rotisserie turkey. I have yet to compare it to deep fried turkey, but I think it is the most flavorful method of cooking and this year it was the best one yet. The bishop did a smoked version that was also very good and his stuffing was to die for. I can't say enough good things about the food that night.
Later in the evening, we went to Steve's boss' house for a dessert party. Not as enjoyable, but it was still okay. The kids that did come decided to go upstairs and watch Gremlins and there was no way Rowan and Nadia were going to go see that, so we stayed downstairs with the food. We were all still pretty stuffed from dinner, but somehow Rowan managed to down 4 plates of desserts. He's such a bottomless pit when it comes to sugar. We made our exit after about an hour as the kids were getting tired and we didn't really know that many people there. None of the other postdocs were there and so we felt a little out of place.
All in all though a great day. Great food, great company, and great conversations. We are very blessed.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Proud Mommy
If you know my son Rowan, you know he can be a tough nut to crack, but once you do he is such a fun-loving and chatty kid. Most people's impression of Rowan ends with "that kid who won't talk to me when I try to engage him." He is picky who he lets into his shell and most of the time I am perfectly fine with that idiosyncrasy. I'm okay not having the kid who will talk to anyone and everyone. But this has become a bit of a problem at school and church when he needs to step into the spotlight and participate in various types of public speaking. We haven't been able to get him to give talks, say prayers, do the Primary program, or even show and tell at school... until now.
I'm so happy to say that Rowan has made huge strides to overcome something that was previously terrifying for him. It began at school, where an attentive teacher took the time to work with Rowan and slowly get him comfortable reading to progressively larger groups of classmates. Then one day, he told Mrs. Roe that he WANTED to read a story to the whole class. (He is a reading machine, but I'll save that for another proud mommy post). He did a great job and when he told me about it he said "Mom, it wasn't even that scary." This came at a perfect time because the Primary program was coming up and we were trying to encourage him to do his part for the first time. I think it helped that he could read his part on his own and after some practice he had it memorized. They had three practices and he did it every time with no problems. Of course it probably helped that he was pretty intent on getting that prize that was offered to him a while back when Grandma Dorothy tried to get him to say the prayer in Primary.
Today my son said his program part with no outside help in front of 200 people. And I cried. It was so fulfilling to see him overcome something that he has found so difficult in the past. I'm so proud of him.
At the practice on Friday night. I don't think the president knew he had it memorized and so he followed her prompts that night, but you get the idea.
Our next hurdle with Rowan is getting him to actually sing. Most of the time he was up there, he looked a fish just opening and closing his mouth without much else happening. This boy did not inherit the musical Luke gene.
Love you buddy!!
I'm so happy to say that Rowan has made huge strides to overcome something that was previously terrifying for him. It began at school, where an attentive teacher took the time to work with Rowan and slowly get him comfortable reading to progressively larger groups of classmates. Then one day, he told Mrs. Roe that he WANTED to read a story to the whole class. (He is a reading machine, but I'll save that for another proud mommy post). He did a great job and when he told me about it he said "Mom, it wasn't even that scary." This came at a perfect time because the Primary program was coming up and we were trying to encourage him to do his part for the first time. I think it helped that he could read his part on his own and after some practice he had it memorized. They had three practices and he did it every time with no problems. Of course it probably helped that he was pretty intent on getting that prize that was offered to him a while back when Grandma Dorothy tried to get him to say the prayer in Primary.
Today my son said his program part with no outside help in front of 200 people. And I cried. It was so fulfilling to see him overcome something that he has found so difficult in the past. I'm so proud of him.
At the practice on Friday night. I don't think the president knew he had it memorized and so he followed her prompts that night, but you get the idea.
Our next hurdle with Rowan is getting him to actually sing. Most of the time he was up there, he looked a fish just opening and closing his mouth without much else happening. This boy did not inherit the musical Luke gene.
Love you buddy!!
Monday, November 7, 2011
A Smorgasbord of Fall Photos
Nadia and I joined a bunch of ladies from our ward and went to a local touristy farm. It reminded me a bit of Curtis Orchard back in Illinois. They had a nice long hayride where lots of ghosts and other movie characters popped out of the forest along the way. They also had a lot of equipment to play on and a small petting zoo.
Halfway through the hayride we got to stop and pick out some pumpkins to take home.
Just love this girl!
Not a big fan of the reindeer swings.
Sure, it looks like they were working on their jack-o-lanterns...
But this is what really happened.
Rowan created his own pattern this year: 4 eyed, 2 nosed and one mouthed monster. Nadia wanted a kitty pumpkin.
We tried to make a leaf pile. The leaves still haven't really left the trees here so our pile was pretty paltry. South Carolina has a beautiful extended fall.
Our traditional pre-trick or treating Sonic dinner
Two Little Monkeys
My little fairy witch
Trick or Treating! We went around our neighborhood and the kids loved it. Rowan ran into friends from school and we also saw some ward members. Good times.
Someone loves Halloween.
I missed out on the kids dancing to the music they were playing in one cul-de-sac. It was a pretty groovy neighborhood.
Making Pumpkin Whoopie Pies for preschool
Our Ward Trunk or Treat
We weren't allowed to have masks at the party, so we opted for face paint instead.
Wolverine was pretty popular. All the brethren in our ward were big fans.
Happy Fall Everyone!
Halfway through the hayride we got to stop and pick out some pumpkins to take home.
Just love this girl!
Not a big fan of the reindeer swings.
Sure, it looks like they were working on their jack-o-lanterns...
But this is what really happened.
Rowan created his own pattern this year: 4 eyed, 2 nosed and one mouthed monster. Nadia wanted a kitty pumpkin.
We tried to make a leaf pile. The leaves still haven't really left the trees here so our pile was pretty paltry. South Carolina has a beautiful extended fall.
Our traditional pre-trick or treating Sonic dinner
Two Little Monkeys
My little fairy witch
Trick or Treating! We went around our neighborhood and the kids loved it. Rowan ran into friends from school and we also saw some ward members. Good times.
Someone loves Halloween.
I missed out on the kids dancing to the music they were playing in one cul-de-sac. It was a pretty groovy neighborhood.
Making Pumpkin Whoopie Pies for preschool
Our Ward Trunk or Treat
We weren't allowed to have masks at the party, so we opted for face paint instead.
Wolverine was pretty popular. All the brethren in our ward were big fans.
Happy Fall Everyone!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Puppy/Stalker Love
I'm still in disbelief over this. My son has his first crush. Admittedly I had my first crush in kindergarten and Steve seems to think the same for him as well. But I have to say, this mom is not prepared to lose her little boy just yet!
The evidence- I found this in Rowan's notebook:
When he found out I'd seen it, he did this:
I'm such a snoopy mom.
But the best/worst part is what I found on the following page.
If red flags are going up for you as well, don't worry. You are not alone.
Yes, that is dear Ashley trapped in a building asking to be let out while Rowan is holding the door handle and saying no. How else do you show the girl of your dreams your affections, right? The condensed explanation, beyond the fact that I may be raising a stalker, is this is apparently a game they play at recess where people get locked in jail and aren't allowed out. Still, I shudder to think if he actually had given this to Ashley and it made its way into Ashley's parents hands. That would have resulted in an interesting conversation.
Don't get any ideas Nadia.
The evidence- I found this in Rowan's notebook:
When he found out I'd seen it, he did this:
I'm such a snoopy mom.
But the best/worst part is what I found on the following page.
If red flags are going up for you as well, don't worry. You are not alone.
Yes, that is dear Ashley trapped in a building asking to be let out while Rowan is holding the door handle and saying no. How else do you show the girl of your dreams your affections, right? The condensed explanation, beyond the fact that I may be raising a stalker, is this is apparently a game they play at recess where people get locked in jail and aren't allowed out. Still, I shudder to think if he actually had given this to Ashley and it made its way into Ashley's parents hands. That would have resulted in an interesting conversation.
Don't get any ideas Nadia.
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