Character Flaw

Disclaimer: Don't let the title mislead you. I could spend the rest of my life divulging my various character flaws, but I'll spare you the barrage of issues I have.

I have a voice in my head. It talks to me all day about the things I need to do. Currently, the voice tells me I need to get some packages off to the mail, clean the dominoes off the floor, take back the disgusting generic root beer I bought in bulk, finish up some alligator clips for gifts, vacuum upstairs before the baby has to go to bed, and the list goes on. The voice is never completely satisfied enough to be quiet, but its insistence is dulled by how many of these tasks have check marks next to them. Once I get something in my head that I think needs to be addressed, it's as if my inner monologue is on replay. I can't go on until the situation is resolved and then I can move on to my next obsessive problem. Sometimes the voice is useful in helping me remember what I need to do and get it done, but other times it can get a little grating.

Loyal followers of this blog will recall that I lost my wedding ring a while ago, about three months to be exact. The voice in my head decided to focus on this particular issue until I became crazed with finding my ring. No stone went unturned in my house and I have essentially completed my deep cleaning for the year in the hopes that my ring would be found in some neglected corner. Sometimes when I was awakened by one of my children, the voice wouldn't let me go back to sleep because it had thought of some new location where my ring might possibly be. I would drift off to sleep with the drone of "look in the medicine cabinet, look in the medicine cabinet, look in..." Some of you may come to the conclusion that I suffer from an obsessive-compulsive disorder. I would whole-heartedly agree with you. Sometimes I believe this voice is inherited. My mother mentioned to me several times that she also had a taskmaster in her head and the only way she got it to be quiet was by visualizing the voice as a ugly alien, which she would then proceed to annihilate through some means of violence. In case you were wondering, I consider a violent temper to also be among one of my inherited character flaws.

When the ring could not be found, this voice took on a new montage. Suddenly I found myself scouring craigslist and eBay in the hopes of finding an affordable replacement. If I could not resolve the situation by finding my old ring, then I had to resolve it by buying a new one. Eventually, I came across a ring I loved at a price that didn't completely drain our bank account. I talked it over with my sweet husband and we agreed to buy it as my Christmas/wedding anniversary/birthday present. That is the beauty of having all three holidays within one month of each other- a single extravagant gift can be rationalized. I also think my husband was a little relieved to not have to think of three gifts for me within such a short period of time. Upon buying the ring, lights flashed in my mind "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!" and I looked forward to a restful night's sleep. The voice took on it's usual rounds of "wash the dishes, go buy diapers" which are a lot easier to accomplish or tune out if need be. My only regret was this new ring had no story. It wasn't given to me by the Provo temple when S asked me to marry him. It wasn't exchanged over the altar at the Boise temple where we were sealed for eternity. It was just "the replacement ring" that I bought off some lady in the mall.

Last night, the voice reminded me I needed to get some hair accessories done for one of my nieces because I was sending a package off to them soon. I decided to use some beads I had salvaged from an antique lamp's fringe trims. As I reached inside my heart stopped at the sight of my old wedding ring, nestled among several hundred beads. For once, the voice was silent while I berated it for not waking me up in the middle of the night to go check my random bead collection.

I have to say, this situation did not turn out as bad as it sounds. I have a beautiful new ring- a definite upgrade to symbolize our 7 years of marriage. Some may wonder what my husband said after I meekly approached him about my discovery. First he laughed, then he told me he only wished he could buy me more rings like that. Not a single reprimand or harsh word was spoken, only the words of a loving husband. His reaction gave my replacement ring a new story. It is now a witness that I made the best decision of my life seven years ago. The voice agrees with me.